proverbs are the palm oil with which words are eaten

African People Getting jiggy story stolen from a friend!

One Christmas Eve..............When I was in my teens and in the household of a relative............My cousins and I did hear something go bump in de night between two adults ( but not necessarily their mum and dad, there were loads adults in the house that night staying over and were all married to by the way) of the house and it was hilarious....................

Man - Did you check on di children???
Woman - Yes, yes (inpatiently)
Man - So they are sreeeping (sleeping)???????
Woman - Yes, oh, did I not say dat de first time???? Come on gerron wid it ooooh...........you are taking your time ooooh Christmas will be here soon............(proper waiting to get stuck in)

Man - OK OK I will tan (turn) off the light now. He also does what sounds like he is rubbing his hands together in excitement, either that or I dare not imagine what else he could possibly be doing hehehehehehe.........

This time now me and my cousins are wetting ourselves with stifled laughter, as this is really the first time we have heard African people have sex.........

so anyway..........within moments we hear the bed creaking and working up to a rythmic, rocking movement on and on and on and ooon............no sound from the woman though or the man, I think for fear of waking everybody up etc.......or sooo we thought.......we are all about to doze of thinking we have heard the funniest part of their getting it on and then we hear............


Man - CALL YOUR FADDA, CALL YOUR FADDA (father) (Shouting at the top of his voice and scaring the shit out of us)
Woman - What the hell are you talking about??? Do you think my father wants to see this???????????
Man - I SAID CAAAAALLL YOOOOUR FAAAADDA oooooooh shiiiiit maaaan.
Woman - DETTY (Dirty) BASTARD, MY FADDA IS NOT A PIMP and neither am I a kinky whore.....gerroff are you a white man???????????
Man - Shiiiit man, do you not watch telly to get inspiration woman????? Tho tho those Americans, you know they say dis ting when they are about to come............CALL YOUR FADDA OR SOMETHING LIKE DAT????

By this time we kids and probably by now, the rest of the house are shocked, laughing and stunned to silence all at the same time, listening to this hilarious goings on.............

Woman - OOOOOOOOH YOU MEAN WHO'S THE DADDY!!!!!!!
Man - YES YES YES YES YEEEEES.......WHO IS DE DADDY, WHO IS THE DADDY, YES THAT IS THE CORRECT ONE now you stopped my flow my wife, you stopped my flow because you did not understand me the first time.........we have to start alllll over again.........

We are alll crying to death with laughter but dare not reveal that we are awake................


CHRISTMAS DAY...................

Head of the household - SO EVERYBODY DID YOU SLEEP WELL, WERE YOU ALL COMFORTABLE?????
The rest of us - YEEEES, THANK YOU
Mother of the house - So who's father was supposed to be coming here last night?................did he come in the end?????????????????

You can imagine all our faces and the guilty couple who got it on the night before......they must have wanted the floor to open up and swallow them whole............

Classic.........................loooooool


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O: Ok, Nkechi, what do u, eh, want daddy to bring u bk?
N: Ehh, Daddy, I want mini sket and ehhh make-ups...
O: Mini sket and make-upS? Make-upS? Ur sister is here asking for book to read and u want make-upS? My frend, c'mon get out of my face! Make-upS? Nonsense!


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Osita: Whats wrong with you
Chinedu: Its one terrorist in my class, he keeps terrorising me
Osita: Eh? TERRORIST???....Is Osama Bin Ladenin your class?.............


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dont make me lose my temperature

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"Not only will i provoke you....i will..disvoke you, i will advoke you, and misvoke you..bugger...damn bloody fool"

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I JUST LOVE BEING AFRICAN :)